Consciousness

Female Olympic Swimmers Give Best Hugs

The shoulders on female Olympic swimmers say security/strength/let's walk the golden retriever/spend a lazy Sunday reading the paper/I'll change your oil for you later, because I care. 

Raymond from Match.com: Wary of Psychos

Here's a perfect example of how to win at the online dating game. Tell someone she's "real," vaguely babble on about how you hate vaguely babbling on about yourself, and then suggest to the woman you've never engaged with previously that she buy you a drink. Make your message memorable by letting her know you're anti-psycho by writing a lighthearted sentence where you use the term psycho (use an exclamation point to indicate lightheartedness). In general, if you can liberally pepper any message you send on Match.com with the word "psycho," you totally should. It's the best way to let a potential date know you're issue-free and not at all misogynistic. Lastly, wrap it up with a super-strong closer that let's the woman know you're good at things like kidding, conversation, and laughter. Be a riot, whenever and wherever you can, Raymond! 

Deal of Day

Not sure what this is exactly but it does have the qualities of other things I like purchasing: on sale, interesting name, boosts metabolism (presumably by just placing in the middle of your floor, as there's no explanation on how to use it). And, it's space efficient, which is great because after viewing one episode of Hoarders, I'm inspired to rid myself of unnecessary belongings. I'm sure purchasing this will make it that much easier to reach my goal of a clutter-free life. Wait, what's that? It only supports 264 pounds? What a shame. Anything less than a 265-pound limit seems like a waste when it comes to a portable whole body fitness vibration machine. Holding out to see Apple's equivalent, and better-designed, comparison product.