Valerie Nies is a comedian, writer, and gluten enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. 

You can see her perform the first Saturday of the month at Half Empty Half Full, a literary comedy game show she produces and hosts at ColdTowne Theater.

She’s written for humor sites McSweeney's and Reductress, and her sketches have been featured on Jezebel, Bitch, Salon, Huffington Post, and Grub Street. She’s written and performed three one-woman shows, and only roasted exes in two of them.

Valerie’s poetry has appeared in Rattle, SOFTBLOW, Drunk Monkeys, Sand Hills Literary, Anti-Heroin Chic, Pine Hills Review, among other outlets. Her chapbook, Imaginary Frenemies, was published in 2021 from Toho, and her full-length collection, Snacks for the Love Hungry, was published by World Stage Press in 2022.

Valerie previously hosted the frequently sold out, all-women’s stand-up show, Smile More in Austin, Texas for 4 years. She also taught a lauded stand-up comedy class from 2017-2025 at The Institution Theater and Merlin Works.

She’s won multiple screenplay awards for sitcom pilots and spec scripts that never aired and performed stand-up at various now-defunct comedy festivals.

She spends a good deal of her free time scanning the Anthropologie clearance rack in search of the one top that might “fix” her.

Find her on the social places @valerieknees.