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Originally published in Skirt Magazine. A strange publication that paid.

Originally published in Skirt Magazine. A strange publication that paid.

Trendy Restaurant Descriptions for the Ordinary Food You Eat

Valerie Nies November 1, 2016

French fries
Hand-cut parsley potato twiggies

Scrambled eggs
Muddled cluckberries

PB&J
Brown bag yeast pocket, Valencia legume crème, smashed grape confit

Carrots
Sun-kissed witch fingers

Baby carrots
Sun-kissed witchlet fingers

Avocado toast
Instagram toasted yeast pocket square

Protein bar from bottom of purse
Monolithic-pressed drupes, pomes, and nuts

Grilled cheese made with a solitary Baby Bell from back of the fridge. And an apple slice.
Butter-griddled yeast pocket, farm fresh round of cow's milk, Granny Smith smile

Salmon with kale. Again. 
Wild-caught marine fowl with clean Gywneth Paltrow leaves

Saltines dipped in jar of Nutella because you worked late and there's nothing else in the house.
Salty sweet crostini

A box of milk duds poured into a bowl of movie popcorn, because who cares? You're single anyway. 
Candied ratatouille
 

In list, feature Tags trendy restaurant menus, food
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