1. Jolt your senses by drinking 24 ounces of ice-cold water immediately upon waking. Don’t brush your teeth, don’t use the bathroom, don’t walk the dog. Your senses will only be jolted if you drink cold water during the first 17 seconds you’re awake.

2. Calm your senses with a lukewarm cup of lemon water. Make sure to use a Meyer lemon of organic origin. Temperature must be an exact 105 degrees Fahrenheit.

3. Scrape your tongue. Then go to your kitchen and scrape off that spaghetti sauce that splattered inside your microwave last week. A messy kitchen is so 2016.

4. Smile at yourself in the mirror and say something positive like “I am a beacon of hope,” or “I have good taste in podcasts.”