I wrote this monologue over a half hour lunch break, and it got picked up the same day, while the Nordstrom news was still fresh: I, A WHITE FEMALE TRUMP VOTER, LOOK FORWARD TO THE UNITED STATES’ IMPENDING WAR WITH NORDSTROM.
Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
Things that spark joy.
Things that don’t spark joy.
Things that potentially could spark joy in a Mad Max post-apocalyptic scenario. Or if I, like, find the right pencil skirt to match.
Things that sparked joy until my cat puked on them.
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New Post on McSweeney's!
Inspired by the amazing queen of young adult fiction: This Judy Blume Reading is Bound to be Packed with Hot Virile Men.
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How to Throw Like a Girl -- McSweeney's
1. Apologize to the ball before throwing it.
2. Get paid 77 cents per dollar a man gets paid to throw the same ball.
3. Throw a ball and watch a man take credit for throwing it.
4. Wear a pantsuit to fool people into thinking you’re actually a man throwing the ball.
Read the full list at McSweeney's.
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